GHOSTING MATILDA

The fall season is upon us and the markets are filled with advertising for Halloween, so our thoughts naturally turn to the recent stories of ghostwriting in medical journals. Here is a lighthearted take on that topic. This parody began on Margaret Soltan’s blog a few days ago, and it has just kept growing.

GHOSTING MATILDA

Once a jolly bagman signed on to some articles.
Corporate ghosts even promised him a fee.
And he sang as he watched and waited till they were in print,
These will be grand right up there on my CV.

Ghosting Matilda, ghosting Matilda,
Who’ll come a-ghosting Matilda with me?
And he sang as he watched and waited till they were in print,
These will be grand right up there on my CV.

This month it’s Janssen, next it’s Bristol-Myers Squibb.
Wyeth and Lilly soon might want to talk to me.
Novartis might sign me up, also AstraZeneca ─
Soon I’ll be famous like that guy at Emory.

Ghosting Matilda, ghosting Matilda,
Who’ll come a-ghosting Matilda with me?
Novartis might sign me up, also AstraZeneca ─
Soon I’ll be famous like that guy at Emory.

Up came an editor, looking for the telltale signs.
Ghost writing’s hard to cover up, you see.
And he found them in the documents: metadata do not lie ─
Bagman just sold his name and passed these off on me.

Ghosting Matilda, ghosting Matilda,
Who’ll come a-ghosting Matilda with me?
And he found them in the documents: metadata do not lie ─
Bagman just sold his name and passed these off on me.

Up jumped the bagman, pointing fingers right and left,
You’ll never prove that I lied, said he.
I will say that underlings failed to send disclosure forms;
Let them be blamed instead, while I get off scot-free.

Ghosting Matilda, ghosting Matilda,
Who’ll come a-ghosting Matilda with me?
I will say that underlings failed to send disclosure forms;
Let them be blamed instead, while I get off scot-free.

Out! said the editor, you’re now persona non grata.
So, too, the Dean and the Provost agreed.
Bagman’s ghost may be heard now, sighing in the library ─
Could have been grand right up there on my CV.

Ghosting Matilda, ghosting Matilda,
Who’ll come a-ghosting Matilda with me?
Bagman’s ghost may be heard now, sighing in the library ─
Could have been grand right up there on my CV.